Think Like a (Blonde) Lawyer ...

This Dog Needs A Job!

They say dogs take on the personalities of their owners.  I'm not so sure; perhaps we choose dogs that are already like us?

 

I grew up with golden retrievers -- really pretty blondes and redheads who are terribly sweet but kind of goofy.  (Although I loved them all, my parents chose those dogs.)

 

As an adult, I've always had highly energetic working dogs: first a border collie, and now a miniature Australian shepherd.  These dogs that are terrifically smart. 

 

But neurotic. 

 

And willful.

 

And nippy. 

 

And they become destructive when they don't have a job to do.

 

I can relate.

 

It's now been nine months since my layoff. 

 

And while I do enjoy having the extra time, becoming a real OC housewife is a lot harder than it looks. 

 

First, I'm not spending nearly enough money at the spas or enough time (or any time at all, for that matter) at the gym.  I'm not having an affair with the pool guy. (We don't have a pool; should I get one?)  I don't even have nannies to supervise.  (Do pet sitters count?)  And who really cooks, these days?

 

Not that I'd go back to billable hours; I don't have the stamina for that even if someone would hire me. 

 

But like my dog, I do crave having a sense of purpose.   But what exactly does that mean, anyway?

 

I've been studying "life purpose" materials for more years than I'd like to admit; at one point I even felt I was an expert of sorts and offered seminars on the topic.  The message was simple, and I know you've heard it many times before:  if you want to feel happy and fulfilled, follow your passions and use your talents in a way that serves others.

 

Simple, right?

 

Sometimes it is.  But right now I'm still feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under me; I haven't figured why I invested all that time, energy and money to become a lawyer when I'm now just sitting at home living on disability benefits (plus support from Husband, of course) and writing the occasional blog post.

 

I never thought MS would play any role in my life, much less dominate (destroy?) my professional life.

 

So ... I now need to ask myself, has my entire concept of life purpose been too closely tied to my earning potential?   Is my ego really so completely wrapped up in labels?  Am I really that shallow?

 

I don't have the answers yet, but did find a few quotes I find inspiring:

 

The purpose of life is happiness.

-  The Dalai Lama

 

Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values.

- Ayn Rand

 

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?

-  Charles M. Schulz

 

It is the quality of our work which will please God and not the quantity.

-  Mahatma Gandhi

 

And my personal favorite, an excerpt from Max Ehrmann's famous poem Desiderata:

 

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

By the way, Mr. Ehrmann was a lawyer too, as was Gandhi.  Funny how no one remembers either for that though. 

Perhaps there is hope for me yet?

*   *   *   *   *

How much do you equate your career success with fulfillment of your life purpose?  Do see your work purpose and spiritual purpose as intimately intertwined, or are these completely separate realms?  Have you ever felt a loss of identity through the loss of a particular role or relationship in your life?  How did you grow from that situation?

 

Captain Sunshine, Make Me Drink Wine, Make Me Feel Fine ...

 

Unless you're a big Neil Diamond fan, you probably do not recognize the lyrics in today's blog post title.  I actually ran across them by accident today when searching for a picture that would adequately illustrate my profound love of sunshine and wine.

 

It turns out I didn't need to find a picture, though, as my baby sister has already taken care of this by transforming me into a cartoon caricature. 

 

Not that I mind. 

 

My sister is an actual artist (i.e., one who gets paid to create stuff) and a far more experienced blogger than I.  But now that she's gaining recognition as a cartoonist, I'm starting to fear I'm in danger of becoming a parody of myself.

 

I have to admit my sister's drawing is a pretty accurate depiction; I do tend to sit in the sunshine drinking wine when offering unsolicited tidbits of wisdom on the phone to my loved ones.  And if you read my sister's latest comic, one interpretation for this behavior might be that people drink because they are repressing their creativity.

 

But another might simply be because sitting in the sun eating good food and drinking good wine brings a great deal of joy.

 

At least, for me.

 

And in my experience, anything that creates joy (provided it doesn't harm anyone) also creates health. 

 

The research supports me on this.

 

If you've been reading this blog for any period of time, you know by now that I've been living with multiple sclerosis for more than 20 years.  You also know that before I became an attorney, I practiced as a naturopathic doctor and medical herbalist for several years in Australia.  If there is an herb or supplement that has been found helpful in treating MS, believe me, I know about it.

 

The funny thing now is that the distinction between alternative and traditional medicine has become increasingly blurred; mainstream neurologists and medical researchers now agree that Vitamin D levels are extremely important in managing not only MS symptoms, but in preventing a host other diseases including depression, heart disease, diabetes, and a variety of other autoimmune disorders.   Although it is undisputed that many diseases are either caused by or result in vitamin D deficiency, much debate still surrounds supplementation recommendations. 

 

We have been taught to stay out of the sun, always wear sunscreen, and our natural tendency is to just pop another pill or three to address any vitamin deficiencies.  Yet at least according to one researcher, ingested vitamin D can actually block the body's ability to manufacture the hormone, the opposite effect to that of sunshine.

 

"Sunlight is more powerful than any drug; it is safe, effective, and available free of charge. If it could be patented, it would be hyped as the greatest medical breakthrough in history. It's that good."

    ~ Mike Adams, natural health researcher and author.

 

Sounds reasonable to me.  But what about the wine, you ask?  Well first of all, if you are the least bit inclined to believe in energy medicine, you must realize that grapes used in high quality wines are simply highly efficient storage devices for condensed solar energy; I view drinking wine as the perfect complement to sitting in the sun -- a Vitamin D booster, if you will. 

 

No, there is no actual Vitamin D in wine itself, but people who drink good wine also generally tend to eat better diets.  Fish and spinach (both good Vitamin D sources) are two of my favorite and frequent choices to have with chardonnay.

 

You've likely heard of the French paradox and cardioprotective effects of regular red wine consumption, but did you know the antioxidant (anti-ageing properties, Ladies!) of white wine may be superior to those of red? 

 

Moreover, according to a new study recently released by the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, moderate wine drinkers are actually, on average, much healthier and happier than both heavy drinkers and surprisingly, non-drinkers, as well.

 

Well, that's my excuse anyway.   All I know is that some of our very best vacations have been to wine country, like in these pictures from Mendoza, Argentina in 2006:

 

 

I'd love to write more, but I need to go walk the dog and get a little sunshine before happy hour ...

 

*   *   *   *   *

Do you have any habits or indulgences in your own life that you believe contribute to your own health and happiness, regardless of what the "experts" may tell you?  Do you search out reinforcing research such as "coffee prevents dementia" or "chocolate boosts endorphins" to support your habits?  What about Vitamin D?  Are you a religious sunscreen user, or do you believe moderate sun exposure has some health benefits?

Do You Really Need a Life Coach? (Or Just A Life???)

Since my layoff last year, I've had a lot (not "alot") more time on my hands.  As a result, I've been spending a huge amount of time online surfing various social media sites.  And I've noticed a disturbing trend:

Everyone is a guru these days.

I get it -- I truly do. 

In my younger days, I too was a self employed "professional speaker" who passionately provided motivational talks and seminars to anyone who would listen.  While I still believe in the basic message of my talks (yes, we should "follow our dreams" and having a sense of purpose in life does go a very long way towards staying healthy), I also now realize that the drive to "help others" in such a public manner is often (always?) tainted with self interest and at least a touch of narcissism.

Nothing beats the rush of getting applause from thousands of people.

(Well, maybe getting paid money by millions of people would; my limited "gurudom" never extended that far and never paid that much.)

But here's my point.  Not that many people are truly ecstatic about their jobs, their finances, their bodies, their relationships ... most of us are just walking packages of insecurities waiting to be targeted by savvy personal development authors, internet gurus and "success" coaches.

We can always improve: strive more, work harder, become stronger, sexier, healthier, richer, more efficient, more effective, more talented, more beautiful, more fulfilled, more balanced, more organized, more evolved, more successful, MORE EVERYTHING (with the help of the right coach or seminar, that is). 

It's the American Way.

And as more and more of us are leaving corporate America (voluntarily, or not) many are deciding to give gurudom a run.

So we become consultants.

Speakers.

Authors.

Coaches.

Bloggers.

Don't get me wrong.  In many instances, self-employment becomes the only viable option, and some people truly do have original thoughts and wisdom that should be shared with others.  (I have personally benefited from the shared wisdom of many, many teachers whom I must gratefully thank for creating their work publicly.)

But ...

Do we really need to sign up NOW for the next amazing money-back-guaranteed life changing seminar from every new author/coach/consultant/guru?   (I've been personally invited to at least ten such events just today!)

Perhaps this is my cynical lawyer mind kicking in, but when you start researching the backgrounds of many of these online (or even well published) personalities, you quickly learn how dysfunctional many of their own lives were prior to (or even after) becoming gurus. 

Not to mention their ethics.  (Remember James Ray ?)

Perhaps my favorite movie of all times is Little Miss Sunshine because it so well illustrates both the sincere desire for fame and success of a would-be guru with nothing new to say, as well as the quiet desperation of his family members who keep striving to become "winners" despite obviously lacking the requisite talent or physical abilities to achieve their goals.  I won't spoil the movie if you haven't seen it, but Sinatra's line "Here's to the Losers, Bless Them All" would not be out of place (they are very lovable characters).

And maybe that's what we need more than another pep talk from another success guru -- just the people we love in our lives to offer comforting words (without charging for it):

You have enough.

You are enough.

Or in the words of my favorite poet:

Wild Geese 

You do not have to be good. 
You do not have to walk on your knees 
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. 
You only have to let the soft animal of your body 
love what it loves. 

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. 
Meanwhile the world goes on. 
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain 
are moving across the landscapes, 
over the prairies and the deep trees, 
the mountains and the rivers. 

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, 
are heading home again. 

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 
the world offers itself to your imagination, 
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place 
in the family of things.

--  Mary Oliver 

*   *   *   *   *

What has your experience with gurus, coaches and/or personal development enthusiasts been?  Have any profoundly changed your life for the better?  Have you ever regretted money spent on such products?  Do you think the personal development industry needs better regulation?

My First Big Movie Deal ...

Like everyone else in SoCal, I have several screenplays in development that I'm ready to pitch at any given moment to anyone who will listen.

Well, not really.  But I really did come up with a fantastic movie idea the other day that is simply so brilliant I'm afraid to breathe a word of it to anyone before I have the copyright registered.

This is not the first time I've been excited by a writing project.

Back when I was 25 (not that long ago), I decided to write my first novel in 90 days and actually completed that goal.  (Well, I completed what should have been the discarded first draft of my novel.)  I then sent the unsolicited manuscript with a novel synopsis to two or three dozen publishers (this was pre-internet, so was all done by snail mail.)

I cannot imagine why no one rushed to publish it.  Here's an excerpt from the synopsis:

------------------

Bending Spoons is a story about a goddess and a dead fish.  It is a "Generation X" love story involving giant cockroaches, a magic ring, sick elephants, Egyptian deities, a smart blonde, and a smart-ass producer with a ponytail who steals cats.  The story poses three questions:

• Do soul mates always meet?
• Can a feminist goddess live without love?
• What is the antidote to boredom?

-------------------

Makes you want to read more, right?  Well, OK, if you must.  Here are the opening lines of Chapter One:

Izzy Tifereth could bend spoons.  This did little to improve her relations at home.  Catherine, her mother, suffered from a little known but expensive affliction called Geschirrliebe -- She was addicted to dishes.    ...

Why am I making you read this?

To remind myself that this time (yes, I really am writing a screenplay), I am NOT going to rush through the creative process simply to finish the project by a particular deadline.  I am also not going to market the final product blindly (unless you include blogging?) to people who have no interest in producing it.  This time, I am going to take the time to complete much needed re-writes and make the necessary industry connections prior to attempting any marketing.

And I guess this has been one of the few benefits of my layoff -- the luxury of time.   It is not a small extravagance.  When I was practicing law, I was simply too burned out to even think about creative projects after the long days of billable hours. 

Of course there is a price too ... no one is paying me for all of these unbillable hours of creative effort.

Anyone want to donate a buck or two to a spoon bending blonde Goddess? 

(Just kidding.)

Which begs the question: what are you willing to spend your time on, even if no one ever pays you for it?

When it's too late to say thank you (or is it?)

  

 

When I was finally diagnosed with MS in 1991 (the first attack happened in 1987), there were no effective treatments for the disease and my doctors basically told me it was just a matter of time until I would either end up blind or in a wheelchair (or both).  I was 23 years old at the time, and working in my first corporate job out of college.  I had just been transferred to Newport Beach from Manhattan, and had no family or friends in the area.  The only person with MS I knew at the time was, in fact, nearly blind and wheelchair bound with the added bonus of having no bladder control.  And of course there was no internet then, either -- so forget the online MS support groups.

 

At the time, my only symptom was blindness in my right eye.  But I could still read, so two days after my diagnosis I stopped by a local bookstore.  To this day, I don't really know why I chose to pick up Michael Crichton's autobiography, Travels, that day.  I was not in the habit of reading biographies back then, and I also had no idea who he was.  I guess it must have been the title -- travel has always been a great passion of mine.

 

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
   -- Albert Einstein

 

The book was not what I expected.  You may know Dr. Chrichton primarily as a medical/science fiction writer.  Among many other best selling books he wrote including the Andromeda Strain and Sphere, he also created the movie Jurassic Park and the television series ER. 

 

But Travels was written primarily about his pre-fame life; it chronicled not only his physical travels, but also some psychic and paranormal experiences.  I learned in the book that prior to becoming a famous writer, Michael had been a Harvard educated doctor.  He wrote about how during his medical residency he observed patients with critical illness and made a habit of asking them what had happened emotionally in their lives just prior to their diagnoses.  In every case, he wrote, the patients were able to describe a stressful situation they believed contributed to their illnesses or traumas.

 

Then Michael experienced a neurological episode of his own. 

 

The diagnosis was MS.

 

It was a turning point for him because the diagnosis motivated him to pursue his passion for writing and leave his prestigious Harvard medical residency behind -- a very irrational move on the surface, but one which eventually led to his phenomenal success. 

 

In my opinion, it is also what kept him healthy.

 

Michael died in late 2008.  I have never been the type to contact celebrities, but I always meant to at least try to contact him to thank him for writing so candidly about MS in his book.  His words were the only words of hope I had at the time.  He gave me the gift of seeing a different outcome than the picture everyone else was painting.  He gave me the gift of optimism.

 

I believe he also gave me years and years of health, and the courage to pursue my own dreams.

 

Some now debate whether Michael really had MS.  And it's also true that he died of cancer in his mid-60's.  Neither of these are relevant to me though.  What matters is that his courageous response to a scary situation was to follow his passion -- despite his prognosis with MS, and what everyone else advised him to do.  How many of us would act the same?  How many of us even have the courage to follow our dreams without the crisis of a health scare?

 

So I guess all I really want to say here is a belated thank you.  Since I cannot thank Michael directly, I hope that the Universe will direct at least one person the words he or she needs to hear when faced with a scary prognosis or life transition.  Perhaps this will even happen through this blog.  Who knows?

 

Stranger things have happened.

 

Have you experienced synchronicity in your life?  Have you heard the exact words you needed to hear from complete strangers at just the right time?  Or have you met people who almost magically provided exactly what you were looking for?  I would love to hear your stories ...