If you have been with me on this site for any length of time I'm sure you've noticed that my posts are becoming less and less frequent. I would love to say this is because I've been so busy "having more fun" that I no longer have time to write about it. To some extent this is certainly true -- I have been enjoying many of my now non-billable hours by reading great books, relaxing, and spending more time with friends and family. I've also experimented with several new activities, some of which continue to be fun (e.g., playing the piano when no one is listening or brainstorming ideas for future screenplays), and others that have not been much fun at all (e.g., attending piano lessons when I have not practiced all week, trying to learn Russian, or embarrassing myself at the occasional casting call).
But lately I've lost interest in writing about these topics, and I'm being forced to ask myself whether I've ever really been clear about the purpose of this blog at all. Or the purpose of my post-legal life, for that matter.
And as usual when I have something to learn, my body is doing its best to break through my stubborn rational mind and show me what I need to pay attention to right now. I've just learned that I have glaucoma -- a leading cause of blindness if left untreated. I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this because I've already had all sorts of weird visual problems from MS, but it always feels strange to have yet another label attached to my health status. And I find it especially disturbing that the hallmark of glaucoma is quite literally tunnel vision -- the exact opposite of how I would consciously choose to view the world.
Yet there it is. I created this on some level.
And this makes me wonder whether I have been so focused on trying to create meaning and purpose through my (now non-existent) career that I have simply missed the bigger picture. The most beautiful parts of my life have never been visible inside the job tunnel.
But this is taking some time to figure out. On an intellectual level, I get it, but my ego is still so distressed by not really having a suitable answer to the question, "So what do you do for a living?"
On the other hand, I have never been more grateful in my life for the fact that I can still see. Why is it that I never truly appreciate anything until I realize it can be taken away?
"The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision."
"We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are."
-- Anais Nin
So for the time being, I intend to focus on creating a broader, more inspiring vision for all areas of my life (including this blog). Care to join me? * * *
So for the time being, I intend to focus on creating a broader, more inspiring vision for all areas of my life (including this blog). Care to join me?
* * *
I would love to hear your ideas about how to make this site more inspiring, interesting, and of greater service. Please post your comments and/or topic ideas here or email me directly using the link on this page.