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Tuesday, April 06, 2010


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Shannon Bobo

So true!!! That was very kind of your ex-husband's current wife to let you know. Very considerate.

It's ok to be friendly with an ex, especially when you harbor no harsh feelings toward them. I have been in three long term relationships (not married).

I am able to be really good friends (via FB) with one ex, the man I spent 2 years with (not really that long term, but I was 18 and that's an awful long time at that age, haha). He is now happily married. I HIGHLY doubt that his wife knows that he is friends with me on FB. She would probably flip out. I understand both perspectives. Sometimes it's good to just move on and leave the past right where it is. And it's all good to remain friendly. I am ok no matter what is decided. Being FB friends is safe. We rarely ever communicate. But it's good to know that he's there. I'm sure he checks my page every once in a while, I check his sporadically, I have a lot of respect for him. :).

I am at a place in my life where I am opened to anything. Including friendships with exes. You never know. I've learned so much about myself through each long term relationship. I have had some fabulous teachers in my LT relationships. Better than anything I could have learned by reading a book or living vicariously through others.

Great topic.

I'm with you!!! I'm ok with being friendly with exes. It's the past and it will stay there.

PS.I do have one ex from college who was a soccer player, we only dated for a few months. I don't think I would like to be friends with him because I have this image of him and how handsome and beautiful he was. I don't think I can stomach him as a mature adult that actually has to wear more than his soccer shorts. ;). I like the image I have of him wearing his handsome soccer outfit.

Steven H. Hirsch

Well, I must be the odd male duck, then.

I was married twice before; my current marriage (my third and last, I like to say) is coming up on its silver anniversary this next December. I would like to have been friends with my exes. Sadly, my first, to whom I was only married for one year, passed away last year and I only found out when I 'googled' her name one day a few months ago: up popped a Social Security Death Index record. I belatedly reached out to her husband to convey my condolences, and he accepted them.

My second ex, whose son is about the same age as my two sons, made it quite clear that she does not welcome any contact from me. But hope springs eternal; my door remains open. I have very strong feelings of affection for her family - her folks are in their nineties and are still alive, and it seems such a damn shame to block the flow of whatever goodness might come from remaining in contact. I'd love to introduce our sons to one another in the hope that they'd become friends.

Am I just a hopeless PollyAdam?

Lisa Emrich

I'm so sorry to hear that your Freddy has died, even if you haven't been able to be physically close to him for a period of time. It is wonderful that "New Wife" contacted you. Yes, women can sometimes surprise one another.

The Blonde J.D.

Thanks for the comments! It sounds like each relationship has its own dynamics (regardless of gender) as to whether friendship is possible/desirable after the breakup.

I do think females generally have a much greater tendency to reach out and form friendships even with potential romantic rivals -- how else would polygamy ever have worked? (Husband often reminds me that his ancestors were polygamous. Thankfully, he is also adamant he could never handle another wife like me!)


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